Tell Your Heart to Beat Again Backstory
I want to grieve well, only am finding information technology hard. Life intrudes. This terminal week in only four days I worked 50 hours doing my computer systems piece of work . I was needed. The work was urgent. An unwelcome distraction, unneeded diversion and undesired coldhearted.
I tried to permit a few skillful things to exist interjected during the calendar week. On Tuesday, a couple of Judy's colleagues from Palomar Higher brought over dinner and presented me with the ii page essay of the winner of the scholarship established in Judy'south name. Reading the essay brought tears of joy to run across someone Judy would take proudly wanted to assistance… someone rising above her circumstances of poverty and obstacles to get the get-go person in her family to pursue a higher caste.
By Th nighttime I was then stressed and worn out. I could feel grief oozing like lava from cracks. Only, in order to keep the "anesthetic of work" in place a little longer, I concentrated on auto repairs, medical appointments, cleaning firm, organizing stuff, etc.
By Saturday night, I was gear up to pay attention to the pains in my centre and let myself feel. I watched a movie called "Concluding Love" that begins with a husband trying to cake the undertakers from removing his wife'southward expressionless body from their bed. It follows his journeying through grief and relationships. At one indicate when he tells someone about his losing his wife, he says, "Information technology's been iii years, ii months and eleven days." I too feel like I am now on an "later-Judy-died" timeline. Except, the rest of the globe doesn't operate on that timeline.
Today, I cried almost all morning. I can't say there was anything specific, just an ache, an emptiness that finally found expression. This afternoon I decided it would be improve to motility toward the pain, rather than abroad from it. And then, I watched a video of my wife speaking at a women'south retreat a couple years ago.
Our daughter Stacy warned me it was a tear jerker. She was right. Judy was speaking about what it means to "yield" to God and trust Him. Let me tell you well-nigh just 2 parts that were really meaningful to me.
First, she tells about her journey to forgive her father for his sexual abuse of her as a child. At 1 point her father was in the infirmary for cancer handling. So, she went to the florist to send flowers. When it came to what words to put on the bill of fare she struggled and struggled. The impatient florist only said, "Why not just put, 'I Honey You.'?" non knowing that was a "big ask". By yielding to God'due south prompting in her heart, she wrote to her male parent (the perpetrator) those difficult, powerful words, "I honey yous". When a short time after Judy called to speak to him on the phone, the start thing he asked was, "Did you really hateful what you said? Because I've washed some things to you that should make you Not love me." With a heart of 18-carat mercy, she said, "Yes, I really mean it. I've forgiven you." As they talked she gently invited him to receive God'southward forgiveness. Right there on the phone he prayed to God for forgiveness and his life began to change even in the few weeks before he died.
I've thought of her coming together other people when she arrived in heaven, but for the get-go fourth dimension today I was deeply moved at the thought of her reunion with her father… forgiven, cleansed and transformed. What kind of amazing God could bring well-nigh something like that!
Second, she tells about yielding to the Spirit of God when He prompted her to make a big move to Bakersfield… which led to our meeting. How God had used Claude Monet's famous impressionist painting of a bridge to speak to her and tell her that He was edifice a bridge between us (before I had a inkling). Then, how God's mitt had brought us together and brought redemption and healing to her life… and that the second one-half of her life was not like the starting time… in that location was restoration afterwards the years of trouble and pain.
I knew where to find Claude Monet's painting in her office and moved it into my bedroom this afternoon. It is more a reminder of our romantic journey. It is a memorial that God guided and directed our steps for her happiness and well-being… OUR happiness and well-being. He can be trusted! That gives me great condolement.
I sense God saying to me, "It is finished. My work in Judy was completed. Your role in her healing and redemption is complete. It is fourth dimension to expect ahead." One of my favorite American Idol contestants was Danny Gokey. He was a worship pastor whose wife died presently before his advent on the show. His recent song "Tell Your Heart To Beat Again" has meant a lot to me lately. At 1 point he gently exhorts, "Yesterday's a closing door, y'all don't live in that location anymore. Say good day to where you've been. Tell your eye to beat again."
Now, I must learn to "yield", "let go" and trust God for my future… the after-Judy-died phase of life… which I recall is all the same meant to be an eternal-kind-of-life every bit I put myself in the position of an apprentice of Jesus. Am I set to trust him in this new phase… on this new, unpredictable journey of organized religion? Am I ready to tell my heart to beat again? I hope so.
Below is a link to the song (hopefully it works):
Source: https://mylifeisinhishands.wordpress.com/2016/05/01/the-after-judy-died-timeline/
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